Saturday, June 04, 2005

Profile In Discourage!

DISCOURAGED FORWARD! Junior Cape Crusaders and our trusty side-kick Francis!


Jacks Got Money!
He hoodwinked ya?
He scammed ya?
He owes ya?

Theodore B. Smyth
Smyth & Cioffi, L.L.P.
3517 Almanac Drive,
Raleigh, NC 27609,
Phone: (919) 821-7721
Fax:(919) 821-0019
Web site: !
(This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by The Stupor Patriots where we believe that our imprisoned POW Hero Leader "Groucho" General Jack Idema the deadbeat should pay his bills!)

Today Junior Cape Crusaders and our trusty side-kick Francis we will look at a recently discovered profile of our imprisoned POW Hero Leader "Groucho" General Jack Idema. Here is what it has to say! Our expert profiler Agent56Y totally agrees!

Jack {Idema} is a brilliant psychopath afflicted from two disorders one known as the little mans syndrome [Napolean complex] and the other schizophrenia [Greek for "split mind"]. He has anger management and authority problems, delusions of self grandeur and criminal tendencies.

Jack who's real name is Jonathan Keith Idema" delusionlly and secretly operating in the tribal areas armed with a boy scout pen knife and his fond memories of his frozen dog Sargie would single handily find and ass-whup bin laden in a duel at ten paces... all in his napolean complexed, schizophrenic mind!

Jack's MO is that he makes friends with like-minded individuals, he then turns on them and starts the entire dysfunctional process. His favorite theme is a loner doing things all by himself, under secret cover but always written about, photographed and bragged about. He seems to be down to three supporters Jim Morris and Ted Kavanau, and his wife who lives under an assumed name and seems to think that cryogenically preserving dogs was a good business idea.

He has threatened, betrayed, screwed over and sued just about every friend he had and he does not have many while he seems to work overtime at generating more enemies with his One must notice that he is taking shots at Karzai from his jail cell which reminds us of the knight in Monty Python who keeps getting his limbs chopped off.

Idema in real life saw The Green Berets, went through training, never saw combat or a decent performance review, did some special operations trade shows one of the smartest thing he ever did , made paintball vests, did that faux contractor stuff in a few foreign countries but the thai jump wings? We consider those more like Buffalo Wings!. He went to jail for scamming people, ended up in Afghanistan pretending to be a lot of things...among them; A DoD Contractor, humanitarian aid worker, Nat Geo filmmaker, helicopter ticket scalper, advisor for the Northern Alliance, press expert and war tour guide.

He went back to Afghanistan a second time do a reality show/docu-drama about him finding terrorists and got caught with a bunch of bashed up Pushtu's swinging like chandeliers. He is in jail for the next few years but has enough money (considering the fact of what the Northern Alliance did for a living before the war...) to bribe the jailhouse into giving him an internet line and a sat phone.

His obsession is to star in a movie about himself based on his crudely engineered and thinly supported feats of daring do. He may be a modern day Flashman... but then again Flashman had a sense of humor. Jack is a criminal and in his more mundane world of North Carolina he has a crowded enough arrest and conviction ticket!

Though I encourage all you to visit his self penned web site but there is no question about it! You must warn your children about becoming "Jack and the Green Beenie Stalk" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Pay your bills Jack!)


Anonymous said...

JKI isn't like Flashman, because Flashman had his mental health (at least until his old age). JKI is more like the bastard offspring of Walter Mitty and Elmer Fud. He should be called Jack Mitty-Fud, or as he is so keen on acronyms: JMF.

Here in the UK, when someone is sent to prison, they are said to be in prison at "Her Majesty's Pleasure", at whose pleasure is JMF? I'm not insinuating anything... Cough. Cough.

Stupor Patriots said...

Intersting and thank you for your informative response. We are sure that our imprisoned POW Hero Leader "Groucho" General Jack Idema is very much in control of his criminal mental health..... even at his young age. And we will consider JMF as a nickname. We also note that our imprisoned POW Hero Leader "Groucho" General Jack Idema is serving at "The Worlds Pleasure" at this moment. One less loose canon on the worlds streets.